I was upset. I don’t want to be doing this, I thought. So what was I doing? Why was I putting myself through this? I wanted to be looking for my first house with my husband. It didn’t seem right that I was doing this on my own as a 32 year old woman. Who is 32 and single? Why have I been praying for this since I was 16 and seen nothing come of it. What was God doing? What is my life? Pretty deep thoughts for trying to find a house…
Praying for your future spouse is an extremely common intention for any young adult. Most people are called to married life so it’s a common prayer request. But how do you do it? What is considered successful? Here’s what I’ve learned.
How do you do it?
I first learned about the topic of praying for your future spouse when I was 16 and heard a talk by Catholic speaker Jason Evert at my high school. He discussed how his now wife had started praying for her future spouse after an earlier life of partying. He mentioned that if we were called to married life, our future spouse was out there somewhere. That was the first time I remember thinking about my future spouse. He could be in Rochester, or the state of Minnesota, the USA, hopefully on planet Earth!
A big takeaway for me was when Jason Evert stated you could write a letter to your future spouse letting them know that you were remembering them in prayer. I’ve been doing that frequently since then. My future husband has quite a book to read before we get married! Writing these letters has helped me to be more intentional in my prayer for him. It has also helped me to personalize my future husband. This is something he will actually read someday. It makes him more real to me and helps channel my desires. I would highly recommend it to anyone.
There are lots of prayers out there to help you pray, too. Novenas to St. Joseph or St. Anne. 54 day rosary novenas. Countless prayers written by saints and laypeople alike. I created a prayer myself that I address to Pope St. John Paul II that I pray every morning for my future husband. I pray for my future husband's strength, courage or wisdom. I’ve prayed for him to overcome temptation. I’ve prayed to meet him. Pretty much anything you could pray for a person I have prayed for him!
Knowledge is power and another way to enrich your prayer. As I’m editing this I’m listening to a podcast titled “Discerning Marriage” and the episode is titled “Thriving While Single”. I’ve listened to and read many books on being single. Jason Evert has a great book titled “How to FInd Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul” that I would recommend for any single woman. You can also read books about motherhood, finances, etc to prepare you better for marriage. There is so much knowledge to guide us.
What is considered successful?
Well… good question for someone who isn’t married but has been praying for it. I have seen family members and friends get married, have kids. I’m referred to as “Aunt Jenny” by children other than my nephew. I’ve gone on dates that go nowhere. I’ve been ghosted. I’ve been rejected by amazing men. I live my life.
And I think living your life is what can be considered successful. I’ve traveled a lot including pilgrimages to Italy, Poland, Fatima, Lourdes and Our Lady of Guadalupe. I’ve gotten two certifications for my job. I help out with faith formation, eucharistic ministry and music ministry at my church. I just bought a house! As much as I struggle with being single I try really hard to live my life and to live it well. I ask myself, “What do I want to spend my one life doing?”. Do I want to spend it wallowing in self pity? I struggle with that but try so hard to live my life. So I do consider my prayers successful in that regard.
I also can’t see the fruits of my prayers in my future husband’s life. There have been times when I’ve been “bowled” over with the feeling that I have to pray for my future husband right now. I believe those prayers are so important and powerful. Those prayers are so important. So important! And I will keep doing it!
To Wrap Up
There is one thing to remember above all else, that I have to tell myself all the time. What am I here for? Yes, I desire marriage and family immensely. But ultimately my goal is heaven. God has me on that path. I have to trust Him. If I’m supposed to be single right now I need to make the most of where God has me. Serve my church community. Strive for excellence at my job. Pray! I can go to Adoration and Mass often because I don’t have family at home and thus I can pray for others. We all have our callings. Right now being single is mine. And then there is the ever lingering questions: what if I never get married? That’s a tough thought to swallow. But I bring that to Jesus. If all these prayers are bringing me closer to Him then that is what’s most important.
As I found my house I knew this would be a great place to raise a family someday. I had a crazy closing experience but when it was all done I just sat and took in the moment. I’m living my life. I’m a strong, successful, independent woman. I live with hope and live with Jesus at the forefront.
Jenny Helms is a parishioner at the Co-Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist where she can often be found serving at Mass as a Eucharistic Minister, usher, and lector.